Forget about the price tags?

My first realisation that I had a price tag on my back was in 1991 when I said my goodbyes to a (false) biological mother and extended family in Bandung. She wrote me a note she was sick, needed money to go to the hospital and feed my supposedly half brother and sisters. The letter contained a PO Box and a bank account. I was sixteen.....

Price tag 1

I felt guilty towards my parents, because since my arrival in the Netherlands it had been my ultimate wish to find my biological mother and I felt it was not their task to financially support my biological mother but mine. They gave me a home, education and although I considered them family I still found my biological mother my responsibility. As a little girl I dreamed about returning to my mother and being able to take care of her. If she would have given me up for adoption voluntarily to give me a better life and good education, I would want to make her proud. But as a sixteen year old who knew little about finances , this was a heavy burden. I was not able to fulfill my duty of the price tag that was dangeld before my eyes as a condition to learn more about my biological family.

Price tag 2

During my last encounter with Ms. Utari she told me that she "got" me through a child broker. I still remember it gave me the chills when she said the word. To me a "broker" doesn't do anything without getting paid for it. So its fairly safe to say, she bought me from a broker. My personal research indicates that its very likely that this was not the first time I was bought and sold. But only today I realize that in 1979 I already had price tag on my back as a prospect child to be adopted for the national or international market.

Price tag 3

When I became the property of the orphanage Kasih Buna, preparation time was needed, but not long. All could be done in 23 days to prepare a child for the international market. Key fact is that you have to be willing to advance a little a bit of money to be able to pay a village elder to falsify a duplicate birth certificate, bribe a doctor to declare an ill child to be perfectly healthy and so on and on. Last but not least charge the prospective adoption parents for everything when they pick up the child, a total bill of €2315 (IDR 39.232.305,00) to get your invested money back and include a nice profit. Another price tag, but disguise as an invoice to pay for the orphanage 'administration costs'.

Price tag 4

I am convinced that my formal orphanage never expected adopted children to return during their teenage years or adolescence. From their perspective, life in the Netherlands must have been equal to paradise. Even if it is without the knowledge of background, heritage or even your family who you might have memories of? But when the orphanage understood this was an important element for all adopted children, they smell easy money. Let's offer the adopted child a service for roots travel and make once again a nice profit for ourselves. I am not against asking money for services but I am against asking absurd prices, just because they know you need their help. The orphanage was our first point of contact and the amounts that for example the family of Ms. Utari requested, was absurd. As an adopted child we often have no choice but to hire a driver, interpreter and/or guide, since we are estranged from our country of birth. I understand receiving quotes which are a little higher than Indonesian standards. What I dont understand disproportioneel quotes of the people who already profited of you when you first got adopted and again when you are seeking information of your origins. When will these price tags on our back fade?

Hush money

When the Dutch Government apologised for past mistakes it released an funding to 'set up a national centre of expertise of 3.6 million. Expertise which combines knowledge about

matters of identity, searching and follow-up care. This in order to facilitate adoptees

in gaining access to their files, searching for their birth parents and finding the right

psychosocial and legal support. And although they do their best, I see it mainly as a event organization body that refers to other organization who have a better network and are more capable to do the job properly. Unfortunately, the Expertise Centre is getting paid for it and the other often not. While a price tag is not the best way to describe it. I find it a form of hush money to keep up appearances that the government is 'willing to help'. But is it the help we need? Most of the 'older' adoptees need (financial) help searching for their biological family and this is what the centre is not capable or not willing to help us out

I sometimes feel I can't shake off my unwanted price tag. As an adoptee you are a potentially a source of income in both countries: perhaps good for the economy, but not so much for my mental health.